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Slow Month

February 27, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Well it has been a very slow month — at least for this site, anyways. The school side of my life, on the other hand, has been pretty busy. Although, as I sometimes say, it’s nothing to write home about. The business has not involved anything really interesting. Not that the human body isn’t interesting, because it totally is.

I actually do have a couple draft posts that I started but I have yet to finish them. Most of the drafts are very short.

But one thing of interest that did happen this month was Family Day for the first years. But Maybe that can be another post…

Filed Under: Medical School, My Life
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The Writing On The (Bathroom) Wall

February 10, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Well I’ve seen the writing on the wall. Granted, it was on the wall of a bathroom stall. And no, I won’t write about what I was doing in there (although my intelligent readers should be able to figure that one out). But this is what it said:

School Socks
Crime Spays

Man… I find the weirdest things amusing during test weeks… But some things happen with perfect timing. I saw this quote during exam week (last week). It appeared to have been written by more than one person. I don’t think the original author meant to write that crime spays — at least I hope not. And I blame the “socks” on bad handwriting. It probably did say “sucks.”

Oh, and if you were wondering, I was in the stall to get some toilet paper…. Runny nose… You believe me, right?

*****

Tomorrow is the the first day of lectures after an exam week. In a way, we’re starting fresh. Gotta try to do a better job of keeping up this time. Getting behind is sooo ridiculously stressful. It just snowballs. Because you get behind on one day. And then the next day its hard to catch up. Then you think the weekend is catch-up day but if, for some reason, you can’t catch up on the weekend… well, like i said, SNOWBALL.

I’m gonna try to sleep earlier now. I went to sleep around 10:30 PM towards the beginning of the school year. I think that worked out well. Not sure why I stopped. But I’ll try it again.

Here we go.

Filed Under: Medical School, My Life
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Conversations: Learning So Much

January 22, 2008 by 2 Comments

Usually there are two kinds of conversations I listen to. The first, of course, are the conversations I am involved in. That’s easy. The second, however, are conversations that I overhear.

I wouldn’t call myself an eavesdropper. But sometimes I just can’t help it. People get all excited and into their conversations that it seems they think they are the only ones within earshot. Or maybe they just don’t care if other people hear.

One conversation I was in recently went something like this:
Me: Hi. How’s it goin?
Classmate: Great. I’ve learned so much today! [said enthusiastically with a smile]

Now, at this point I was walking into lab in the afternoon after 4 hours of lecture that morning. I was wishing I didn’t have to be in lab. I felt like my usual self — thinking about all the material that I still needed to know.

And as I stood there walking into Anatomy lab, I felt really jealous. Why didn’t I feel the same way? Why don’t I feel the same excitement over learning? Why am I just tired and feeling like there’s sooo much things to learn?

I’m truly glad for my classmate who said this.

If only I could feel the same way…

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Picking Apart My Brain

January 17, 2008 by 5 Comments

I was one of the first into lab from my group of eight. On the table was a clear plastic container filled with a solution of 10% formaldehyde. The container sat on a tray — a tray that you might find in a cafeteria.

I slipped the tray out from underneath the container and carefully opened the container. The smell was strong. The liquid looked a little brownish. I reached in, my gloves on, and pulled out a human brain. Well, at least half of a human brain. It had already been cut down the middle — a clean cut separating the left and the right brain.

The day’s lab only required examining one hemisphere. Already having arbitrarily chosen one side, I placed my half-brain onto the tray and went to the special sink to rinse off the formaldehyde solution.

In line I looked around. It was a weird scene. Students waiting in line. All holding cafeteria trays that carried a human brain.

After finding and identifying all the structures on our checklist, it was time to leave the lab. The brain slices were returned to their smelly solution. Most of our nostrils burned. Someone’s eyes were teary.

Neuro lab was a little strange. Gross examination wasn’t that bad. I mean, I’d seen plenty of brains in pictures. It was the slicing that I felt weird about. It cut so easily. Almost like a kiwi, without the skin. Or maybe think JELL-O, the kind with fruit inside.

But, I think the best example, if you’re familiar with it, would be tofu. The hard kind. Not the soft tofu used for soup. It’s actually how Katrina Firlik, MD (a neurosurgeon) described the consistency of brain in her book Another Day in the Frontal Lobe, which, by the way, as an awesome book.

A classmate commented that its so strange watching it. We are cutting up someone’s brain. At one time, the cells in this brain we were now cutting up, fired off electrical impulses. It commanded muscle groups and regulated complex functions. It held someone’s memories.

Occasionally I get these moments in medical school. Moments in which I stand in awe. I am amazed at what I am holding, or touching, or seeing. I like those moments. I’d like more of them, too. I think they help me push on through the drudgery of having to study all the time.

And now, its late and I’m sleepy. So I’ll end this post here.

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Oh, You’ll do fine

December 29, 2007 by 4 Comments

Note: While this was posted yesterday after about two weeks of Christmas break, I wrote most of it during the “heat of the moment.” I almost didn’t finish the thought/post, but I thought I’d include it as it was how I felt at the time during exam week. Honestly, I do appreciate the attempts to ease my anxiety. End

One of the phrases that I have come to despise hearing is “Oh, you’ll do fine.” It is often heard when someone is stressing out like crazy about an upcoming exam. Some well-meaning person will simply say, “Oh, you’ll do fine,” or some other variant. As if all the concern and stress over the exam is unfounded.

I appreciate the thought. I’m thankful that some one is attempting to make things better. But I really don’t know how “useful” that statement is. The statement in itself is not going to make me feel better. As well-meaning as it is, the reassurance does little in reducing my anxiety.

The fact is that medical school isn’t easy. The exams are hard. The pressure is heavy. The stress is real.

I’m not sure what to do about the pre-test anxiety. And I’m not sure about what to about the post-test anxiety (after taking an exam but before seeing my score) either.

And well since I’m not sure what I should do about the anxiety, I have no clue what other people can do to help.

But I think if a medical student complains to you about a really hard exam, don’t say, “Oh, you’ll do fine.”

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My Roller Coaster

December 16, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Simon says was fun for a little while. But looking back, I really don’t understand the appeal of being jerked around like that. That is, after all, what the game is all about — doing everything Simon says, no matter how ridiculous or absurd it may seem. Along the way it gets old. I have yet to see a group of adults playing “Simon Says” in the park. I definitely don’t see medical students playing that game during breaks between classes out on the grass.

Playing Simon Says is kind of like being jerked around by a little girl waving around her rag doll. Simon says put your hands up. Simon says put your hands down. It gets monotonous. It’s also tiring.

I feel like I’m getting jerked around. Sometimes the rag doll is swung up high and other times it drops low. It might be better to compare the experience to a roller coaster. At least the roller coaster analogy is more familiar to people than a swinging rag doll.

During my last exam week I heard the following conversation after arriving at the exam location:

Person 1: I got raped the other day.
Person 2: I’m gonna get raped twice today. [We had two tests that day]
Person 3: I’m just giving it to God. Because if God doesn’t intervene, then I’m screwed.

Note: No disrespect meant to any rape victims. “I got raped” is a phrase that has often been used by students. I don’t mean to imply that going through an exam is as bad as being raped. The phrase “getting raped” has been used because 1) it was a quote and 2) to describe the feelings going through a rough exam: a sense of being helplessly violated.

I wasn’t part of the conversation. I just overheard it because it was nearby. It made me grin. Not because I thought it was funny. I wasn’t being mean. No, I grinned because I knew the feeling.

On this roller coaster ride of medical school there are many lows. It can be easy to get down and discouraged. Hearing about the horrors of managed care, malpractice insurance, and a broken American healthcare system. Watching our educational debt accumulate. Being in a committed relationship with our textbooks. Seeing the top scores in the class.

But like a roller coaster there are the highs. There are times when the ride peaks through the clouds. There are the experiences with the patients — warm experiences we will never forget like the little children in pediatrics or the kind, heartfelt thank you of a senior citizen. And we need to hang on to those highs to carry us through the lows.

Early on in the school year we had a speaker talk about the wonderful opportunity we have here at medical school to witness the Divine in action. We learn about life. We learn about healing. Hopefully, we learn about changing lives as well.

It’s possible that I entered medical school naive. A lot of medical students probably do. After all, we are crazy enough to think we can change lives — that we can change the world.

Maybe that’s what we need, though. We need to be crazy. Back in the 1990s, Apple made an incredible TV Ad. It’s called Here’s to the Crazy Ones.

So here’s to the crazy ones; here’s to medical students the world over. To the ones who are crazy enough to go through medical school hoping they can change the world.

Enjoy the clip.

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones,
We see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world,
Are the ones who do.

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Surrounded by geniuses

December 13, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I am no gunner. Trust me. I might have a gunner-like thought once in a while. You might even say I have some gunner tendencies. But if MTV decided to make Real World: Medical School, it would be irrefutable: I am not a gunner. Because while I might like to have the highest score on the next exam, I simply don’t do enough to turn that passing desire into reality.

Some people do, though. There is always someone who scores the highest. Usually its kind of sickening to see what the top score is. I hope that whoever is getting the top scores is putting hours and hours into studying, preferably over 8 hours a day. If he or she is getting top scores with only one or two hours of studying a day… well I don’t want to know who it is.

Earlier in the year, when our scores were sent home, the report had: points possible, score, class average, and standard deviation. Well, the class gave its input, the people in charge of the reports listened, and now the spreadsheets we receive also have the top and lowest score.

Now, every time I go to check whether I passed the last exam or not, I get to see how some genius missed only one or two questions.

Good advice given to medical students: “Don’t compare yourself to your classmates.”

I agree. I just have to focus on doing the best that I can — even though, at times, finding out my score can be a very humbling experience.

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