post

Oh, You’ll do fine

Note: While this was posted yesterday after about two weeks of Christmas break, I wrote most of it during the “heat of the moment.” I almost didn’t finish the thought/post, but I thought I’d include it as it was how I felt at the time during exam week. Honestly, I do appreciate the attempts to ease my anxiety. End

One of the phrases that I have come to despise hearing is “Oh, you’ll do fine.” It is often heard when someone is stressing out like crazy about an upcoming exam. Some well-meaning person will simply say, “Oh, you’ll do fine,” or some other variant. As if all the concern and stress over the exam is unfounded.

I appreciate the thought. I’m thankful that some one is attempting to make things better. But I really don’t know how “useful” that statement is. The statement in itself is not going to make me feel better. As well-meaning as it is, the reassurance does little in reducing my anxiety.

The fact is that medical school isn’t easy. The exams are hard. The pressure is heavy. The stress is real.

I’m not sure what to do about the pre-test anxiety. And I’m not sure about what to about the post-test anxiety (after taking an exam but before seeing my score) either.

And well since I’m not sure what I should do about the anxiety, I have no clue what other people can do to help.

But I think if a medical student complains to you about a really hard exam, don’t say, “Oh, you’ll do fine.”

post

My Roller Coaster

Simon says was fun for a little while. But looking back, I really don’t understand the appeal of being jerked around like that. That is, after all, what the game is all about — doing everything Simon says, no matter how ridiculous or absurd it may seem. Along the way it gets old. I have yet to see a group of adults playing “Simon Says” in the park. I definitely don’t see medical students playing that game during breaks between classes out on the grass.

Playing Simon Says is kind of like being jerked around by a little girl waving around her rag doll. Simon says put your hands up. Simon says put your hands down. It gets monotonous. It’s also tiring.

I feel like I’m getting jerked around. Sometimes the rag doll is swung up high and other times it drops low. It might be better to compare the experience to a roller coaster. At least the roller coaster analogy is more familiar to people than a swinging rag doll.

During my last exam week I heard the following conversation after arriving at the exam location:

Person 1: I got raped the other day.
Person 2: I’m gonna get raped twice today. [We had two tests that day]
Person 3: I’m just giving it to God. Because if God doesn’t intervene, then I’m screwed.

Note: No disrespect meant to any rape victims. “I got raped” is a phrase that has often been used by students. I don’t mean to imply that going through an exam is as bad as being raped. The phrase “getting raped” has been used because 1) it was a quote and 2) to describe the feelings going through a rough exam: a sense of being helplessly violated.

I wasn’t part of the conversation. I just overheard it because it was nearby. It made me grin. Not because I thought it was funny. I wasn’t being mean. No, I grinned because I knew the feeling.

On this roller coaster ride of medical school there are many lows. It can be easy to get down and discouraged. Hearing about the horrors of managed care, malpractice insurance, and a broken American healthcare system. Watching our educational debt accumulate. Being in a committed relationship with our textbooks. Seeing the top scores in the class.

But like a roller coaster there are the highs. There are times when the ride peaks through the clouds. There are the experiences with the patients — warm experiences we will never forget like the little children in pediatrics or the kind, heartfelt thank you of a senior citizen. And we need to hang on to those highs to carry us through the lows.

Early on in the school year we had a speaker talk about the wonderful opportunity we have here at medical school to witness the Divine in action. We learn about life. We learn about healing. Hopefully, we learn about changing lives as well.

It’s possible that I entered medical school naive. A lot of medical students probably do. After all, we are crazy enough to think we can change lives — that we can change the world.

Maybe that’s what we need, though. We need to be crazy. Back in the 1990s, Apple made an incredible TV Ad. It’s called Here’s to the Crazy Ones.

So here’s to the crazy ones; here’s to medical students the world over. To the ones who are crazy enough to go through medical school hoping they can change the world.

Enjoy the clip.

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones,
We see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world,
Are the ones who do.

post

Surrounded by geniuses

I am no gunner. Trust me. I might have a gunner-like thought once in a while. You might even say I have some gunner tendencies. But if MTV decided to make Real World: Medical School, it would be irrefutable: I am not a gunner. Because while I might like to have the highest score on the next exam, I simply don’t do enough to turn that passing desire into reality.

Some people do, though. There is always someone who scores the highest. Usually its kind of sickening to see what the top score is. I hope that whoever is getting the top scores is putting hours and hours into studying, preferably over 8 hours a day. If he or she is getting top scores with only one or two hours of studying a day… well I don’t want to know who it is.

Earlier in the year, when our scores were sent home, the report had: points possible, score, class average, and standard deviation. Well, the class gave its input, the people in charge of the reports listened, and now the spreadsheets we receive also have the top and lowest score.

Now, every time I go to check whether I passed the last exam or not, I get to see how some genius missed only one or two questions.

Good advice given to medical students: “Don’t compare yourself to your classmates.”

I agree. I just have to focus on doing the best that I can — even though, at times, finding out my score can be a very humbling experience.

post

What a frenzy

I walked out of anatomy lab a few minutes ago. Tomorrow is the lab practical exam. Earlier in the week we got an email that said the lab would be open today from 8-10 AM and 3-5 PM. I though the 8-10 AM time slot was kind of odd. All of the first years had a Cell Structure & Function exam at 8:30. Eighty-seven questions and two hours allotted. Even though you could leave whenever you finished, I don’t think many people actually got to squeeze some lab time in before 10.

So I go into lab at 4 PM and figure a good hour reviewing my cadaver and radiographs would be helpful. That place was packed! Shouldn’t be surprised. The day before practicals, the lab is always packed. But it seemed like there was a panicked frenzy… People were going here and there quickly. Stress levels were pretty high — higher than usual.

Monday was the anatomy written exam. I think the class average was about 71%. Of the 3 anatomy exams we’ve taken, this was the lowest average. That might explain the commotion.

In forty minutes, one of the biochem professors will hold a review. That exam will be on Thursday (along with a Pulmonary Physiology Exam).

Alright, off I go to do some more studying…

post

Professionalism 101

I was just browsing through Facebook and looking at a few of my classmates pages. Here’s an interesting post I found on Jane’s (not real name) page. She received an email that I’ve quoted below (with her permission, of course).

Jane,

We noticed on your most recent CSF Quiz that you just wrote down

Jane

While first name use does allow for larger letters and neater handwriting on the line provided, it is not considered very professional for a future physician. If you find that you must shorten your full name for space purposes, we would prefer this version:

J. Doe

Thank-you, in advance, for helping us out in this matter. If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, please feel free to contact us at anytime.

Sincerely,
Sharon and/or Rachel

hmm… i’ll have to write that down and file it away under “lessons of the first year”… its great that they teach us these things. i mean, when you’re paying $30,000+ per year, i wanna squeeze out every last bit of advice on how to be a better doctor one day. i would hate to sign only my first name on a prescription pad and have the DEA come after me or something…

post

On the Wards – Pediatrics

At Orientation I learned that I had been assigned to Pediatrics for my first two weeks before classes begin. Not quite sure what to expect, I followed the directions and found myself sitting in a conference room Monday morning with the rest of the Freshman who had been assigned to Pediatrics.

The group in the conference room also included third and fourth years who were on their Pediatrics rotations. After an orientation to how things were done in the Children’s Hospital, the Attending Physician took sent us off to find the teams we were assigned to. Some first years went to the cardiology consult team, others to the GI team, some to the NICU and others to the PICU.

I, along with one other first year, headed to the Pediatric Teaching Office (PTO). The PTO is located across the street from the Children’s Hospital.

I quickly found out that the PTO is a very relaxing place to rotate through. Over my one week there, most of my time was spent sitting in the office along with the residents.

When the residents did go in to visit patients I was able to go in with them and watch, hand out lolipops, smile, and ask the parents some questions regarding the development of their child. The residents/attendings were really nice about letting me listen to some sounds with my stethoscope. One of the interesting things I had a chance to listen to was a heart murmur that indicated that the patient had a ventricular septal defect.

In between patients, there was not much to do. I did not bring a textbook to study. I would have found it interesting to talk to the 3rd year medical students or even the residents and attendings. But I didn’t want to get in their way. Those not seeing patients were busy looking up things on the internet, reading an article, telling jokes, discussing wedding plans, and describing the latest exciting cases going on across the street in the main hospital.

As a first year it was at times very overwhelming because I had no idea what the acronyms and jargon meant. I couldn’t chime in on the discussions of exotic childhood diseases or advise on the appropriate vaccination for a 6 month old coming in for a “well child check-up.” I did, however, appreciate being able to watch a number of different doctor interacting with their patients. It is interesting to note the different styles — some bad, but mostly good. Those little things will definitely be something to pay attention to as I cultivate my own style in dealing and interacting with patients.

Part of me feels like I just want to get through these first two weeks of “Clinical Experience” and start lectures. At least I will have something to do. And I will know what to do — study. But I realize that once lectures start I will miss the PTO.

post

Pine Springs Ranch Retreat

This past weekend we just had our Pine Springs Ranch Retreat. Every year, Loma Linda University School of Medicine invites all their students on a weekend retreat to Pine Springs Ranch. The Pine Springs Ranch tradition began in the 1970s and in the 1990s an endowment fund was created with the hopes of ensuring that future retreats would have the necessary funds. The event is free of charge to the students and a guest if they decide to bring one.

All of the first year guys were assigned to cabins. All married couples as well as the rest of the students got to stay in the lodge.

The retreat began on Friday and concluded on Sunday. However, most students left Saturday night after the ever-popular talent show featuring the medical students.

I think the weekend was a great experience. It was nice to get to know more of our classmates in a setting other than the classroom or anatomy lab. It was also a chance to meet the other classes and talk to them as well.